Hello there

sorryfor the long silence yet again, had some trouble with my arm this past week and to make a long story short, I had an operation on tuesday night so that’s why my typing is so crude

anyway, i’ve had one huge breakdown saturday. i texted some of my close friends saying that i don’t want to live anymore… what triggered this action i still don’t quite know, but i do know that i gave them a huge fright. i’m so sorry guys, it was unnecessary, but i’d rather be honest than keep it to myself

so after not saying much further, cobus called me. he said that i should go and see someone. fact is, i don’t want to. i have enough people to talk to and if my mom tells me to go, i will, but till then pieter is my word of mouth victim. thanks for all your help

why am i typing this? never ever feel the same way as i did. it’s horrible. the moment you feel that not living will be better than taking in oxygen, go tell someone you trust immediately. don’t delay, you might just end up taking your own life, and i promise you that this makes our loving God so sad and hurt. he made us to live our lives to our best potential, so that’s what we should do. take each day on with both hands and the knowledge that God is there for us every step of the way.

and to all my friends, thanks for supporting me, i know that you worry and that you care and i appreciate it loads, just know that when there’s a problem, i will let you know…and no…i will NEVER take my own life, becuase then i won’t have you guys anymore…where’s the fun in that?

okay, time to go kill my pain…sleepy time

keep safe and be happy
*hugs*

Pitch-black night, silver clings to sky
Not a word
not a sound
nothing to disturb the silence
tranquility

A soft, silent croaking
faint screeching sounds down yonder
light brushing noise of thunder
Supple grass beneath my hands lay
I bow my head I pray

What will become of us
if You were to leave us
What would happen to the world
without your healing touch o Lord
Would we all perish, burst into flames
Would we all live on with hope
yet no hope remains

I find myself
in the centre of Your presence
You created me in every way
You created earth for us to stay
You are love, You are life
You are a bird in flight
You are mountains, you are streams
You long to fulfill my deepest dreams
You lift me up, fill me with joy
You are the father of many
a small girl and boy

You are the truth
for which I yearn to fight
Lord You are the moon, you are my light

I am a plastic man
Wish I could be the one you could be proud of
I’m losing hard again
Wish I could show what you think I’m made of…

This is the words of the band Seether … I feel like I belong nowhere, like no one wants me around them…like I’m a great burden to everyone around me….

I know that everyone doesn’t think so at all, then why is this feeling haunting me? Why do I think that every one hates me and talks behind my back? Why am I feeling so lost and alone when there’s so many people surrounding me?