Okay, so I know this whole Hein thing is extremely fishy.
Something tells me to not trust him, but then there’s a bigger urge to give him the benefit of the doubt.
If he is lying, however, it will be on his conscience. I most probably will get hurt, put it is a risk I am willing to take. Now do not think that I am just going to fall in his arms and melt and do whatever he tells me to.
All I had to go on was a text message from his best friend, who disappeared two days after the accident. None of his other friends really knew me and did not find it of high priority to let me know, because of the first mentioned reason. This is still very much confusing, I am not trying to convince myself of anything. I just think it best to live in the present and learn from the past, so I am weary and on my guard.
Before his accident he was my everything, I was totally in love with him and I never really got over him. I was sad and alone and feeling so numb. Now that he is back, my heart is skipping a beat again. My eyes are alive again, it feels as if a heavy load has been taken off of my shoulder.
He is moving to Hermanus today. Whether this good or bad I don’t know. But last night after he called me and asked if he could say goodbye, I was shattered…again. Losing him again, this time not to death. But knowing that someone you care for is alive and you can’t be with them is hurtful. But then again this whole experience was almost always hurtful.
We went to a bar last night and danced, just like we used to. He held me tight and I felt save, relaxed, everything just melted away and all I could feel was him. Protecting me, respecting me.
There are people that will tell me (and have already told me) to be careful. That he could have lied to me. Yes I agree. And that would be a very sick and disturbing lie. But I choose to put a little faith in him. I may regret it someday, or maybe I won’t. But you never know if you don’t try. Right??
